You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
