I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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