Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize