Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
