i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
