Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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