I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
