Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
