Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
