His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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