I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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