I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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