do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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