It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
