my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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