You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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