Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
