just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
