i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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