oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
