I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
