when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
