I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
