I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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