Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
