forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is classic penis vs brain.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
