My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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