Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
