It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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