The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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