it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
