So drunk its hurt
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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