Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
