You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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