Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
