If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
