whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
