she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
