I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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