He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
