Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
