Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
