did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
false alarm. still invincible.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
