I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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