I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
