Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
