i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
