well most of my day revolves around power hour
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
