yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
