My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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