How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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