The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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