Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize