i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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