my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize