so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
