you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
