she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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