My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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