do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
40s are totally the cure
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
