So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
