I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
