it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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