if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
