bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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