I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize