Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
