So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
