she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
